For the past four nights I've been dreaming, or what I thought was dreaming, of the smoke detector beeping me to tell me to change the batteries. It's been very bizarre, I can hear it beeping and I'm getting so mad because it is keeping me awake, and in the morning I feel like I didn't sleep all night, but it's all a dream, so it's really the dream that's keeping me awake but not really because IT'S A DREAM! Right? I mean, when I wake up the smoke detector is silent, not once does it beep when I'm awake and at home. So it has to be a dream...
It's been hard enough getting up in the mornings with this time change (and yes, I understand it's ONLY one hour!!! But it's still harder than snot to get up in the mornings!) and all my dreaming (or was it?) about this smoke detector has got me tired from not sleeping, so I really wanted to sleep in this morning considering it's a Saturday. Well, THAT didn't happen! I forgot to turn off my alarm clock that wakes me up for work, but that's not what got me up, I can usually go back to sleep after turning it off. I heard the smoke detector! But wait, it's not going off, I established that yesterday when I worked from home and didn't hear it all day! Now I'm really confused, am I in some sort of Twilight Zone episode? I thought I was dreaming the smoke detector going off. Well, I must have been asleep hearing my alarm and smoke detector this morning, right? I try to continue to sleep, or go back to sleep (whichever it is, at this point I don't know - my insanity has taken over me) but can't. Now my cat joins in on the fun, he's up on the bed with me purring so loudly I have no choice but to pet him. Okay, I can feel him so I know I'm NOT ASLEEP :) And I don't hear any smoke detectors so I know....oh wait...what was that? Was that....the....smoke detector beeping???? Sure enough - IT IS! I'm not crazy after all!!!! That Damn thing HAS been beeping at me! But why only at night? I'll tell you why. Smoke detectors are EVIL. They have a life of their own! THEY ARE ALIVE! You take out the batteries and they are still breathing, living, BEEPING...They exist to do nothing but torture us and make you think you are crazy!!!! (Before everyone goes postal on me....I understand they do have a very valuable purpose!)
I still can't figure out WHY it's beeping only at night, is there some sort of light sensor that knows the lights are off and that's when it's supposed to "warn you?" Or is it really some alien living inside and trying to take my last shred of insanity away from me? Whatever it is, I'd like to tear that fricken thing down from the ceiling and throw it straight into the garbage can!
Enough of this typing, I must go now. I have a smoke detector to kill.
I know that’s a powerful statement, but hear me out. Last night in class we watched a documentary on Martin Luther King Jr. with footage from that time. WOW. That was my initial reaction. I cried while watching that. My heart ached. My heart was in amazement with Martin Luther King Jr. And that’s when I decided my life is so insignificant. What am I doing here in my life? I don’t do anything that changes anyone’s life. I don’t have a cause to fight for. I’m not in a job that actually helps anyone. Martin Luther King Jr. brought so much to African American people, and to this world. I was astounded that he was only 39 when he was assassinated. I wonder what would have happened if he had lived longer? He was so smart and spoke so well, especially for an African American person during that time. His speeches really inspired you and elated you! I have often said that I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be African American back then, the struggles they must have faced, the way they were treated. After last night I really can’t understand it!!
I can't even express how much the documentary moved me. For the first time I saw Martin Luther King Jr. give his “I Have a Dream” speech. I’m so glad he had a dream. I’m glad because that opened the door, the God given door, for African American people to their God given rights. I’m also glad he had a dream because that is giving me a dream. And hopefully it will give others a dream. I only hope that someday I can do something with my dream.
They documentary showed an African American man crossing the street and a white man walking up behind him and kicking him in the back. The African American man stumbled, almost fell, composed himself and kept walking. By this time there was a small crowed forming and the white man kicked him again. The African American man’s hat fell off; he bent down to pick it up, only to have the white man kick it away from him. He retrieved it, started to walk again, only to be kicked once again in the back. All the other white men standing around were laughing, pointing and encouraging the white man. I cannot comprehend what would make one human being treat another human being like that. I don’t care the color, race, body smell, hair style, how could someone be so cruel to another?
I have always been so jealous of people like Angelina Jolie, or Audrey Hepburn, someone who can be a Goodwill Ambassador. Or even pro basketball players, they can donate their money; they can fly all over the world to give and to help. I want to do something like that. It makes me mad at the world today that there we don’t have more people like Martin Luther King Jr., or Audrey Hepburn. In my humble opinion, this world today is too selfish, too hurried, and too superficial.
I try to live my life in a way that I can be proud of. I think I have a pretty good set of morals and I think I’m a kind person. Sometimes I fall prey to my nasty side. Sometimes I’m not so nice, or I get road rage. And then I need to have a talk with myself and snap out of it.
Someone once asked me why I am so sweet and do so many nice things for people. As if trying to see what my ulterior motive is. I don’t think I have any ulterior motives. I want people to feel good. I want people to be happy. If I can do something silly like leaving a cookie on their desk to bring them happiness, why not? The world needs more happiness. It’s those little things that bring people happiness. Happiness out of nowhere or for nothing. Sure, it brings me pleasure that I can make someone happy but that’s not the reason I do it. I do it for their happiness. I think of things that would make me happy and do that to others. I want to spread that to others. I call myself a Pollyanna, but my dear friend told me that Pollyanna is a naive do-gooder but I am very intelligent emotionally. I think I get embarrassed when people fuss over me so much saying how sweet I am, or how nice I am and I’m not sure why it embarrasses me. I sometimes feel that it has a negative connotation to it. Maybe it’s because I’d rather be known for how smart I am, or how I solved world poverty, not how sweet I am. I sort of equate that to the blind date your friend is setting you up on and she says “he’s got a GREAT personality!”
So, back to my original point, I wish I could be the Martin Luther King Jr. of my time! I want to do something that makes a difference! I want to really HELP someone, or some people. I’m not sure how I’m going to get over this feeling. I just feel that I’m wasting my time coming into work every day and not making a difference to anyone.
Wow, who knew that an English Comp class would do this to me….
Who knew it would be so fricken hard to write. I thought I liked to do it. I thought I knew how to do it. I thought it was fun. Well, guess what? My brain hurts!!! I'm not going to go as far as saying I don't like to write, because I still do. As long as it's something that I know and it's something I'm comfortable with. Elizabeth Cady-Stanton, not so much. If I had to write a paper on just her, that wouldn't be so bad. But no, I have to write it on her Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions. Is it just me, or is does that document just state how horrible men were to women and what was resolved? I just don't get it, how do you write 3 pages on a bunch of statements and then those statements again but this time they are resolved!
I think I REALLY need to wake up my brain, it can't possibly be THIS hard.
I feel bad that I haven't written in my blog for awhile now. Now that the Olympics are over and school has started I'm running out of time. This class is SO NOT what I thought. While I understand and appreciate the fact that it's almost a history class every night, when it's time to actually do some writing the professor tells us in 5 minutes what we need to write about. Such as, "write an analytical paper on either The Delcaration of Independance or the Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions." Um, excuse me, but I've been out of school for (cough-cough) years...exactly what is an analytical paper supposed to be like???
I'm not sure if I'm mad at the professor for not explaining anything to me or if I'm mad at myself for not understading. It's times like this when I really wish I paid more attention in high school and went to college RIGHT AFTER high school. And if you wonder why I keep typing professor in italics it's because at times I question his authority to call himself a professor. But that's another topic....
I think I'm tired and brain dead. I better go to sleep, that's the easiest way to knock out these ugly negative thoughts. Tomorrow is after all, another day and I am a....
I remember growing up I always went clothes shopping close to the new school year. On the first day of school I would always wear a new outfit! Well, school started today but I didn't have a new outfit.
I'm happy school started, I have been looking forward to it for awhile now. And besides, since the Olympics are over, I need something to keep me busy!
Tonight was the first night and, well, it was quite boring. Necessary, but boring. The Professor (and he made it known that his last name should be preceded by Professor) introduced himself and then we went around the room and introduced ourselves. I HATE hate hate HATE talking about myself. But as usual, I tried to put a little humor into it. I hope it worked. This seriously took the entire class time. Oh, no, not me talking, but everyone else. I think it was a great move because it allowed us to not only connect with the Professor but it allowed us to connect with each other. And the professor did a great job of connecting with each of us. He either had questions to ask about what we said, or he one way or another identified with us and talked with us.
He asked how many of us in the class were majoring in English. No one raised their hands. The professor joked and said "by the end of class we'll have 3 of you wanting to major in English." That was not only amusing but a little scary. You see, I have always loved to write and loved "English" (no, I was never ambitious to actually do anything about it...). So, what's the problem you ask? Well, I have already decided I want to get a degree in childhood education and become a grade school teacher. What if I'm one of those 3 people that will now want to major in English? I'd have to change all my plans!!! Is that so bad you ask? Good question. I'll ponder it just in case I am one of those 3 people!
What I do know right now is how nervous I am about this class. For those of you who know me, you may also know that many people say I don't give myself enough credit or that I don't have enough faith in my abilities, whatever they -- or you want to say, the truth is, I don't know if I have many smarts in me! :-) Which translates to, "I just don't know if I can do this class!!" My stomache is already in knots knowing that I have a paper due on September 9th. ALREADY. Okay, okay, yes, I know, it is college.....From what I gather the class will run like this: we need to read the weeks selected reading before class and the next class we will discuss (GREAT, more talking out loud!) and then we will have a writing assignment. Wish me luck.
My boss at work says I have no credibility (in the nicest way of course!). All during my math classes I said "I think I'm going to fail!!" After every math test I would say "I think I probably got an F, or a D...if I'm lucky I'll get a C!" Well, I got an A in 3 out of my 4 math classes and a B in the 4th math class. Therefore, I have to be very careful when I say "I think I'm going to fail this class!" I'll have to think of a clever way to convey my insecurities for this class! Or as my dear friend says, "I'll have to think of other ways to convince them that I'm stupid." She then follows that up by calling me a dumb ass :-)
Again, wish me luck. HAHA!!
